Walk the Line
by cleverpungoeshere
Summary: It's been years since the rescue, but every day Jack still struggles with his bloodlust and finding the scrap of humanity left in him. Now, at a private school in London, he happens upon someone who just might be holding that piece inside of him. ABANDONED, sorry!
1. Fresh Starts?

Savage. Savage. _Savage_. He's a savage. He was one of those _island_ boys, they scorned. Did you hear? At the ripe age of eleven, they began murderers. Murderer, murderer, murderer. Savage. Beast. Savage. Savage. I was a savage. A beast. A monster.

That's what everyone in this damned place knew me as. One of those island boys. Inhuman. Warped. Twisted. Everywhere I went, their eyes were. Prying, looking, scorning, watching. _Savage,_ they would whisper. That's what I was. That's all I was ever going to be.

It had been months, maybe even years. I had lost count. It had been so long since I had been on the island, since I had felt the hot sun on my skin and the war paint smothering my cheeks. The urges were still there. The bloodlust. It lay just under my skin, watching, waiting. I needed an escape. Somewhere they wouldn't know me, couldn't judge me. Somewhere wasn't a savage. Somewhere I could claim back a scrap of humanity.

That's how I wound up here, in London. My mother had shipped me off to a private school, to help me 're-establish a civilized nature'. I had laughed dryly at her words. Nature wasn't civilized. It was savage. What a pig she was. What a pig. Kill the pig. Kill the pig, slit her throat. My own blood pulsed beneath my skin, hungry for the power, the… the…

_Spill her blood._

The words echoed in my mind, and for a fleeting moment, I was back on the island, a spear in my bloodstained hand and a dead sow at my feet. No. Stop it. Stop it. You're not on the island any more. Stop it. Stop it.

I forced open eyes I was unaware I had clamped shut. I was immediately flooded with light; I was in a one-person bed, donned with red sheets. It was a bright room, with a wardrobe, desk, and a nightstand all resting on the walls. In front of my bed, I noticed, was a large painting of a forest in the spring time. Nothing like the island, I though. No, stop it!

Savage, savage, savage. Where am I, anyway…?

Oh, I remember! This skinny old lady had brought my here, saying that I was going to be sleeping here during my stay. That's right, Mother had dropped me off last night. I gently rubbed my arm, feeling the skin beneath my long-sleeved shirt. The stinging pain was an immediate comfort. I rolled over, looking for a clock, when I noticed a bed adjacent to the one I lay in, which looked as if it was spelt in until recently. I spotted a clock on the wall, which read out a clear 10:15 as I rubbed my eyes to look at it.

I vaguely remembered the lady saying something about breakfast, but the thought was lost as I saw the door handle turn. Though, when I saw who it was, my heart simultaneously stopped and sped up at the same time. Ralph.


	2. Don't Fuck With A Savage

**Thanks everyone for the great reviews! :D I really appreciate it! Sorry the chapter was so short. I hope this chapter makes sense P:**

My blood ran cold when I saw the fair boy standing in the doorway, his eyes as wide as mine and his body frozen in time. His lips moved slowly, as f the words seemed foreign or poisonous to his tongue.

"Jack?" His tone was incredulous and fearful. I bit back a cold laugh that erupted in my throat without warning. _He should be afraid. He should- No! Stop it! Stop it! You're not… No. Stop it! No…_

"Ralph?" My lips moved of their own accord. The blonde boy's name was bitter on my tongue. _Why was he here? Why was I here? Why… Why couldn't I just forget? Why can't I put that all behind me?_

"What… What are you… I- Oh god… Miss… She told me I was getting a roommate I could relate with but… Oh god, oh god…" Ralph was muttering more to himself than to me, but his words still wormed their way to me and cut like a knife. _God, I just… I… I… _With my unfinished thought in hand, instinct took over. Pure, blind instinct. One hand clamped over the smaller boy's mouth, the other to his throat.

"Listen to me, Ralph," I spat. My voice was dark. Savage, "I'm here to forget. Forget everything that happened _there_. So don't fuck with me. Got it?" I could feel the blood exploding through his veins. The adrenaline lay just beneath his skin. It wouldn't take much, just a small squeeze and… _No!_ I dropped him down, and a moment after he slumped, he straightened back up and shoved his nose in my face. His beautifully bright eyes were fuming.

"Yes, Jack," He spat my name as if it were poison, "But here, you won't get away with _any_thing. So don't. Fuck. With. Me."

_What the fuck did you do?_ I screamed at myself within the silence of my mind. Ralph had left a half hour ago, to freshen himself up for the day, and since then I had been constantly scolding myself. _You can't put the past behind you if you start off threatening it! You should apologize, before he realized how badly you already fucked up. Because you did. You fucked up big time. Apologize before you make it worse, you stupid savage._ Shut up, shut up! That little voice in my head was going to drive me insane. But it was right. I probably fucked up my only second chance. And in an instant, the urge was back. The all too familiar itch lay just beneath my skin, once again. Without conscious thought, I was digging through my pants pocket, and relief flooded through me at the small prick of pain and the feel of something so indescribably metal.

Before I could move again, however, Ralph was back in our shared room, a bathrobe hanging loosely around his frame. His blonde hair was soaked and plastered to his forehead. His eyes weren't fuming, now, and I thought I saw a faint blush creep onto his cheeks.

"I, uh, hi," He was flustered. I guess he had forgotten I was here. Or maybe he didn't want to remember. I must have really scared him. _Savage. _We both began talking at the same time. I choked out an apology, while he explained that he was getting dressed, and that on Saturdays, everyone had the day off.

"So, uh, I could show you around, if you'd like…" It sounded more like a question than a friendly request. I looked him up and down.

"Like that?" I inquired, my tone laced with heavy sarcasm. He blushed a deeper red and shook his head.

"No, I'd be wearing clothes.." Crooked, identical smiles crept onto both our faces at the same moment.

"I certainly hope so," It was my turn to blush, "Oh, Ralph? I'm… sorry-" I had to almost choke out the word. Damn, why was it so hard to apologize? "-about earlier. I… I… God I'm sorry."

"I… it's… It's okay. I mean, I'm still… the island… it affected me too, Jack," I cringed at the sound of my name. Ever since I had gotten off the island, it had sounded wrong to my ears. To my mind. It wasn't who I am. It was who I had been before everything. Before… Before I… _Savage._ Ralph noticed my shying away from my name, so he continued, "Merridew. I've been scarred by the island too. I've been trying to move on since then…" I sensed an explanation coming to surface, so I decided to take a seat on my bed, while the blonde, still only donned in a robe, sat on his, "I couldn't… It's been hard. Being on the island, it… it broke me. I… I'm never going to be the same. But, I don't think any one of us will be…

"That's why my father sent me here. So I could find some sort of 'normalcy' to fall back in to. All the teachers know the basics of the island, so they normally excuse it if I act strangely…" I nodded. God damn. He was here for the same reason I was.

"Why… Why are you telling me this? You… You hate me," Because I'm a savage, I added silently. Ralph tore his gaze away from mine; Shit, I hadn't even realized he was looking at me, but when he looked away, something felt wrong.

"I… I'm not so sure any more. I mean, I can tell you've changed. You're… You're… Not a savage any more…" That word. That one goddamned word. _Savage. _It must have been bitter to his tongue, for his features twisted as he spoke it. Soon, though his glazed over and were lost in thought. '_Yes, yes I am. Yes I am. I'm still a savage. You don't know me.'_ Without a glance backwards, I gripped my razor in my hand and fled the room.


	3. Razorblade Symphony

**:D Chapter Three! I'll try to keep up a pretty consistent update rate for all my lovely fans x3**

**(A/N: I hate how easy it is for me to write the self-hatred monologues in here..)**

I couldn't wander around for too long; the urge beneath my skin was too strong. Desperately, I saw a janitor's closet and practically dove inside. Immediately, swaying on my feet, I slammed the door shut. I gripped my razor and dragged it across my skin. The pain was intense and I could feel the skin breaking as the blood began to flow. But the feeling as too temporary. I need it more, I needed it longer. Shifting my fingertips, I held the razor more delicately. Slowly, I made three small slices in my wrist, in the shape of an S, and then three more in and A. The blood pixelated and I could see the letters forming, crisp and wrist stung, but the pain was soothing. I continued, carving one letter at a time, until my wrist spilled ruby red. Savage, my wrist now spelled. It was beautiful. Now I could have a permanent reminder of what I was, etched into my skin. A savage. I could feel my heartbeat pound in my ears. I felt a couple hot tears slip down my face as the pain intensified.

Suddenly, I heard a sharp knock on the door. "J- Merridew?" I heard Ralph's voice muffled through the wood. Stupidly, I answered back, my voice hot and frozen at the same time. The blonde then asked if I was okay.

"Of course. Now go away," I snapped, a growl releasing itself from my throat. The pain in my wrist had sprung anger into my veins.

"No, Merridew. Not until you get out here," Ralph's voice was demanding, stern. Once again, acting without thinking, I spun around and almost ripped the door open. Curling my bloodstained hand into a tight fist, I swung and hit Ralph square in the jaw. He recoiled, clutching his mouth and biting back a cry of unexpected pain. I expected him to back down, to run away. But he didn't. Instead, his fingers twisted into a fist as well, and hit me in the stomach.

"Mother fu-" I stopped short of finishing the profanity, as the wind had promptly been knocked out of me. Clutching my stomach for several second. Shit, could Ralph pack a punch! I flung my fist at him after I regained my breathing, and it hit him in the nose. Blood began to gush out, but he wiped it off with the back of his hand and continued to try and hit me. His hands flew up and gripped me around my throat. Mother fucker! Soon, we were nothing more than a blur of hands and feet and the occasional cry of pain or staggering blow. However, once his foot swung up from the floor, I knew it was over. His foot hit me directly in-between my legs._Fuck! _I toppled over from the blow and the pain. There was a shudder of pain that erupted from my lower stomach and exploded when it hit my crotch. As I toppled over, I reached out a hand to try and avoid totally crashing down. Unfortunately for my stupid self, I landed on my wrist. he wounds began to reopen and I could feel the hot blood darkening my already black shirt. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

"Merridew? Are you okay…?" Ralph's tone was a finely mixed tune of anger, hatred, fear, and genuine concern.

"Get away from me," I growled. Ralph looked taken aback. "Just get the fuck away from me!" I shouted when he didn't back down, "You don't need a fucking savage like me! Get the fuck away!" Ralph, giving me one final, swift kick in the chest, turned on his heel and stalked away.

_What. The. Fuck. Merridew? What the fuck? Why the fuck can't you change! What the fuck? He cared about you! Why the fuck can't you just fucking accept that? You're Jack fucking Merridew! You're not supposed to be so fucking weak! Why the fuck won't you change?_ _You're such a fucking savage! That's all you're ever going to be! Stupid, worthless, fucking savage. _My mind was racing and running and the pain was only intensifying.

After several minutes of writhing in pain, and cursing myself for being such a fuck up, I had mustered up the strength to limp down the hallway. Eventually, I wound up back at my room. There was a note taped on the door, from Ralph.

"_I'm sorry, Merridew. I know you're trying to change. I shouldn't have provoked you. I'm sorry. Meet me in the library in an hour._

_See you then, hopefully,_

_Ralph"_


	4. You Will

**Begin chapter Four!**

**;_; Y U NO COMMENT GUISE?**

**Just kidding, I love you all 3**

After calming down enough to think clearly, I began wandering for a good half hour and asking directions from several people, students and teachers alike, until I found the library. It was a large library, with every possible inch of shelf lined with books. I only glanced at the books without much thought. I had never really been one for reading.I didn't like it if the story didn't turn out the way I want. I didn't like not being in control of the characters and their fates. Before… _savage_… Before the island, I had always been one to write. I wrote all these stories where characters had the most unlikely of experiences. Why? Simply because I could. Because it gave me control over them. Their lives. What they did. Who they were. Who they became. I was in complete control when I wrote. No one else held a higher hand.

But, I was getting off topic. I had glanced around the library, until I found Ralph sitting at a wooden desk, his fingers drumming the table, waiting patiently. Cautiously, tugging down at the sleeves of my clean shirt, I approached him.

"Ralph…" I started, at the same time he whispered "Merridew…" His fingers stopped drumming on the wood as I tok a seat next to him.

"You go first," He insisted. I took a deep breath, attempting to drain my head of all thoughts other than the words of apology that rested just behind my lips.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have lashed out. I didn't mean to. I just… I'm still…" _Savage._ "Struggling. With controlling my temper. It's hard. Instinct… Instinct takes over sometimes." After my choked apology, I let out a tight breath of relief that had been shortened by the pounding of my heart. That had been… A lot easier than I expected. _Of course it was easy. You just admitted you're still a savage, Jack._ The voice in my head was spitting. _You're a savage. It's easy to be savage. That's all you are._ Shut up! Shut up! Thankfully, Ralph turned to look at me, and the emotion flooding in his eyes drowned out the voice inside my head.

"No, it's really… it's really my fault, Merridew," He kept a steady gaze into my eyes as he spoke. It was amiable as well as unnerving. I felt as if he was looking right through me. As if he could read my thoughts even before they appeared in my mind. "I really… I shouldn't have provoked you. I guess… I just…" He sighed heavily, "I just forget, sometimes. I mean, I never… On the island… I wasn't- I didn't…" _I didn't murder anybody. I wasn't a savage like you._ We both knew that's what he was trying to say.

"It's okay," I assured him. It was okay. I was a savage. I am a savage. I knew that. It wasn't just going to change.

"No, it's not. J- Merridew… I'm… I'm going to try."

"Try what?" I'm confused now.

"Try… To help you."

"I don't need your help." My voice was losing it's emotion as he spoke. He didn't care. he couldn't care. It would be a wasted effort. "I can figure things out on my own. I don't need you or anybody."

"Merridew… You can't… I… I don't care if you don't _need_ anybody. I _want_ to help you. I mean…" He trailed off, tapping his chin in search of the right words.

"What?" There was still very little emotion in my voice.

"I mean… Sometimes, it's hard for me to realize… that… other people… That you… Shit, this isn't coming out right." I felt a smile tug at the corners of my lips.

"Take your time," I assured him with a curt nod. He sat thinking for another minute or so, before finally finding the right words.

"I think, it's hard for me to realize that… It's hard for people to adjust. I didn't… Take a very long time to adjust back to… How I was before. I mean, it was really hard in the beginning. I'm still not really used to it. But, it's… gotten easier. And I can see… I see it in your eyes, that you're struggling. You're trying to change. Every day, I can see that you're… You're a balancing act, between doing what's right and doing what your impulses tell you. I understand that. And yes, Merridew, it's hard. But I know you can do it." He placed his fingertips over my hand lightly. Even at a

"How do you know? I haven't changed yet." My voice was dull.

"Well, I can just… I just know, okay? Just… Trust me on this one?" His bright blue eyes were shining as he looked into my dull, green ones. I was suddenly very aware of his hand on mine and just how unbearable _close_ we were. My eyes wandered to his lips as he spoke next, "You're going to be okay, Merridew." When he said those words, I could have sworn the whole world had slowed down, or even come to a complete stop. There was force behind them; force and reason. Determination. Strength. I could almost feel the words pounding on my chest, pressing themselves to my ears, as if they were trying to not only find their way inside of me but to form into me as a whole. As if they were trying to find their way into my soul, to give the words meaning. Life. Humanity.

"I will?" My voice was full of doubt. My doubt was a shield. it prevented the smaller boy's words from entering into my heart. But, with the next words he spoke,my shield shattered and fell to the floor.

"Yes, Merridew. You. Will." The way his lips curled and the way the determination in his words made him almost sneer, it made my heart stop. And for the first time in _years_, I believed someone other than myself.


	5. First Day

**Uhh I don't own anything except the plot.**

**Sooo sorry for not updating! I've been on vacation and taking writing classes and stuff! asdfghjkl don't eat meee.**

_You're going to be okay, Merridew. You will._ Ralph's voice echoed in my mind for hours after our conversation in the library. I wasn't sure which I was more surprised of: that Ralph actually believed in me, or that I believed him. I was lying in my bed, my hands behind my head, staring at the ceiling. The rest of the day, Ralph had shown me around, and given me tips on how to get to classes quicker, and which showers not to use. It was ironic, just how… Normal the whole conversation was. I mean, I was so used to having all my emotions high-strung and nothing on my mind other than regaining my humanity. But, when I was with him, none of that really mattered. Like, I was just _human_ to him. Like the island never happened, Like it never existed. Of course, the island still existed. I had the scars to prove it. I had scars all over. But no one ever saw them. All my scars were inside of me. Resting just above my heart.

I turned to face the younger boy lying in the bed next to mine. His light hair was falling in his face, to the freckles sprinkling his nose. His lips were parted slightly, as if keeping them shut was too much work for his sleeping form. _He's quite a handsome boy_, I caught myself thinking. I sighed heavily, scratching at my wrist. I liked boys; I had figured all that out on the island. Just another reason why I was a savage. Why I couldn't really be human. _Another reason why I hate myself._ Normal boys like _girls._ Girls like _boys._ Boys weren't supposed to like boys. That wasn't right. I scratched my wrist harder. _Shit!_ I had scratched too hard: I felt the scab under my fingernail, and the fresh blood escaping from the reopened wound. _Fuck! I need to stop this…_ I need to stop this… _Savage. Fuck up. I mean, what the fuck is wrong with me? God damn it…What the fucking shit... _ My mind wandered and I fell into a nightmare-plagued sleep before I could answer.

The next day was more eventful, though not necessarily for the better. I was going to classes for the first time today, and even though Ralph was in most of them with me, I was still nervous. I still had a lot of work to do. I didn't know if I could handle being in a real school -with all the rules and adults and other people- just yet. And the school had uniforms, as Ralph informed me this morning. Oh, that's just great. I forced myself into a white button-up shirt, tie, and navy blue slacks. And, how fucking great, since it was still summertime, the shirt had short sleeves. Fucking wonderful. This was just the greatest fucking school ever, wasn't it? During breakfast, I was honestly surprised that Ralph didn't notice, or at least he didn't say anything, about my wrist. I was grateful, though. Him finding out about my, _ahem,_ habits… That wouldn't go over well.

School itself seemed pretty straight-forward: I had five classes and a lunch break. I had to go in, focus, do my work, and hopefully not get called out as the freak or savage I was. As it turned out, however, that was a lot harder than I first thought. And I had first thought it would be nearly impossible.

As I entered my first class, I think it was science, but I wasn't really sure, three different people, two girls and a boy, were in my face. The tallest, a boy with shaggy black hair, had eyes that were steely and unfeeling.

"So, you're that new kid, huh? I heard you from some island. I heard that faggot blonde was there true?" His crooked teeth grinned at me, his eyes glowing with a twisted sort of power.

"That's none of your business," I huffed, my hands clutching themselves behind my back. I took a deep breath, trying to keep my already jittery nerves as calm as I could, "Any of you," I shrugged towards the girls standing behind him.

"Like hell it's not. I heard you killed someone on that island!" One of them added, her voice intrigued as well as cold. At this news, my blood ran cold. The black haired boy seemed to perk up; he had more fuel for the fire building inside both of us.

"Well? Did you?" He reached out a hand and shoved my chest, causing my hands to spring in front of me out of reflex. I was suddenly painfully aware of the still prominent scars on my wrist, and as fast as I could tucked my hand close to my chest. "What's the matter? Scared? What a little prick you are." His words, I knew he was only saying them to provoke me, but they brought the fire from my stomach to my fist and throat.

"Shut. The. Fuck. Up." My voice was darker than I realized, but I took no heed. _Fucking savage. Look at what you started. I mean, what the fuck? They already know you killed someone. What the fuck kind of a person are you?_

"Oh-ho! Mister island boy's got a temper. Careful, he may try to hurt you!" The girls behind him, as well as a couple other students in the room, snickered. That was enough, I decided, curling my still slightly bloodstained hand into a fist.

I shot my fist out as the boy still laughed, clearly not believing I could do any real damage to him or anyone else. I proved him wrong as my fist connected with his jaw. He recoiled back, holding his face with a look mixed of horror and shock etched into his eyes.

"Anyone else want to make some fucktard comment about what happened to me?" I looked around the room, and everyone seemed to be staring at me with looks of total fear. I couldn't help but grin. With a simple movement of my fist and I had the whole class under my control. My eyes were gleaming with pride and power, I was sure.

Then, as the teacher walked into the room, common sense took over again. Luckily for the both of us, the black haired boy had stopped clutching his jaw and acted as if nothing had happened. I guess he didn't want to get into trouble any more than I did. _Ha. You don't give a fuck about being in trouble. Being in trouble just means you're following the rules that fucking society laid out for you. Last time I checked, you worthless savage, you don't exactly fit into normal society. _Shut up shut up! My hand squeezed my wrist, tight enough to cut off circulation for a few seconds and almost restart the draw of blood. _Fuck.._ I thought as the pain in my chest was redirected to my wrist. It was physical pain, though, not the emotional shit that made me want to puke from all it's intensity. _Fucking hell, Merridew. This is what you get for being so… Fuck!_

And class hadn't even started shit.


	6. After Class

**Chapter Six! :D And yes I had to make the Harry Potter reference. ;] And I'm so sorry for not updating, I was alway at camp and I've just been really busy! I'll try harder though!**

"Now, will everyone turn to page three hundred ninety four?" The teacher's voice was stern but warm. This was the first class I had been in in a long time, and even sitting in a desk was incredibly uncomfortable. I hated these uniforms, they were too hot, and the anger still racing through my body was not helping my comfort in the least bit. However, Ralph was seated not two desks away from me, which at the very least made me restrain my violent, jumpy nerves. As the teacher droned on about whatever I was supposed to be paying attention to, I decided to study the room. It wasn't like I was going to learn anything anyway. _Damn, Merridew, at least try to pay attention. _No.

The room was relatively small, with only about twenty other students, including the boy I had punched earlier. I noticed that, while my desk was near the back of the room, everyone besides Ralph seemed to be leaning away from me, or getting as far away as they could. _Shit, I'm not that threatening, am I?_ I supposed so, they way that a boy with spiked hair seemed to flinch away as he made accidental eye contact with me. I bit my bottom lip, trying to force down the anger that was once again rising to my throat and wrists, teasing me, as if it was screaming _Savage, savage, you'll never fit in. See how you fucked up your only chance? See? Don't you see? Look around you, Savage. Look around._ And I looked around, again. But this time I didn't look at the classroom or any of my classmates. Well, I glanced at Ralph, but that was only to admire the focus and and concentration in his eyes, of which I was immediately envious. _Calm the fuck down, Merridew. You don't have to be savage forever, you can be like that too. It'll just take… Time. _That voice is my head was softer, lighter than it usually was. It reminded me of Ralph's voice. Much like Ralph's voice.

The argument in my head raged on for the rest of class, though the day as a whole seemed to fly by. After class, however, was a whole different story. I had decided to walk around the campus, to try and avoid whatever classmates had seen me punch the black-haired boy earlier. I needed to avoid the questions, the glares, the accusatory looks. I didn't want to fuck up my first day at school any more. _They already know you're a savage, though. They know. You saw the way they all looked at you. All of them. They know you're a murderer. You stupid savage._ No, no, no! I'm not… I…

"Hey! Jack!" Someone called out from behind me. The name stung and I recognized the voice as one of my classmates, from my first class. I whipped around to see a group of four boys, including the black-haired boy, who now had purple and blue skin stretching across his jawline.

"What do you want?" I tried to keep my voice level, but there was something about the boy's gait that made small beads of sweat erupt on the back of my neck, and my fingers curl into fists, as they had this morning. My knuckles were still sore, I noticed, but I brushed it off. The boy's must have noticed, for the black-haired boy with the bruise laughed.

"What? Do you think we're gonna hurt you? Ha, you hardly did shit to me," To prove it, he rubbed his bruise without flinching. They all took a step closer, one of the taller boys flexing his fingers in rhythm. My hearts began racing, adrenaline bursting through my veins. The boys had formed a makeshift square around me, and I couldn't face one without having my back on another. Without warning, I felt two hands on my shoulder blades that forced me to topple forward onto the ground, and my nose immediately stung. Before I could force myself back up, I felt my elbows being pinned to the ground, and all at the same time I received several blows to the chest.

"Ah! Fuck," I cried out as the boys continued to beat my already bruised chest. My vision was already blurring, and I faintly saw one of the boys lean down, before I felt my body being turned over. And almost immediately, I felt a fist connect with my jaw. There was pain everywhere in my body. I couldn't move. Fuck fuck fuck, the pain was blinding. I heard the voices above me laughing. Then came more pain, some where I couldn't tell, and everything went black.

The next thing I registered was how crisp the sheets were that were resting atop my aching skin. And then the pain set in: my ribs were aching and I could hardly breathe, my jaw was swollen and I felt the blood pulse just beneath my skin. If anything, the dull ache in my wrist had exploded into a full-out throb. I tried to open my eyes, but one of them was swollen shut, and my vision was blurry in the other. I registered a vaguely light from somewhere around me, and I heard someone muttering that I was waking up.

"Hey, Merridew," I recognized Ralph's voice even though i couldn't see his face. He was gentle, warm. I felt my chest contracting and my heart sped up, "Are you doing all right?"

I opened my lips to reply, but instead a violent cough attacked my throat. When I regained my breath, I replied softly, "I think so…"

"Good. I've been… worried about you," I almost heard my cheeks explode in color, "You're back in our room." He answered my silent question, "I don't want anyone to know what happened, that would end in a load of shit."

"T-thanks," I forced out, the word painful on my tongue.

"Oh, Merridew, I helped clean your wounds but, uh…" He was searching for the words, "Your wrist…" My mumbled something else, but I couldn't hear. my blood was already running cold and my heart exploded, but not from nerves. I was enveloped in pure fear. I couldn't think straight. Not that I could in the first place, but my thoughts were even less coherent now. _What the fuck, see? This is what you get, you stupid… Mother fucker._

"Merridew," His voice was harsher this time, "What happened to your wrist?"


	7. Bit not good

**Chapter Seven! Who wants to play the "count Jack's f-bombs" game? Just me? OKay…**

**Anyone want to do fanart for this?**

My blood ran cold and I felt sweat perspire on the back of my neck. Ralph tried to look into my eyes, but I averted my gaze. I knew that if I found myself caught in his gaze, the truth of it all would tumble out. God, I realized with a steadying breath, when did I get so weak? So dependent on this one boy. I hated it. Hated him. Hated me. I hated me so much. fuck, Merridew, stop it. Why do you hate yourself? Ralph doesn't hate you. Since when do I give a fuck about Ralph?

"Excuse me?" His icy voice broke my thoughts.

"What?" fuck, fuck, fuck, had I said that out loud?

"What happened. To your wrist?" He asked again, his voice forceful. Thank God, I hadn't said anything…

"Nothing," I managed to keep my voice even, still avoiding his eyes, which I now felt boring themselves into my head.

"Bullshit," I hadn't expected him to curse, and my surprise made my gaze snap to his brilliant eyes. Our eyes locked ad I couldn't tear away. I could see his every emotion flickering behind those bright orbs. Fear, compassion, more fear, hate, and something else I couldn't quite place, but it made my heart pound and something in my stomach want his body closer to mine. He was sitting at my hip, his chest turned to face me. I forced myself to sit up, ignoring the blinding ache that spread all over my body. When did he get so close? My breathing hitched in my throat, he was practically on top of me now; his hands were on either side of my stomach, and his lips were less than a foot away. I licked mine expectantly. I wanted to lean closer, I wanted us to connect, the passion I left burning inside my chest to pour out and let it fill him. But that desire was broken in a second, when the blonde's eyes widened and he fled the room, a stammered apology and a blush creeping to his cheeks left hanging in the air.

No, there was no way! My subconscious was screaming at me. There was no way. That would be too good- no, too wrong. He couldn't like me. That couldn't have just happened. That would make him as much of a savage as I was. He liked girls, not stupid savages like me, I was sure. What the fuck were you thinking, Merridew? Fuck. He probably hates you now. Damn, you know he left because he can't fucking stand you! fuck, Merridew, he'll never want you! Never!

My wrist was itching, burning, my pulse lying in wait just below my skin. _fuck, no, you can't do that!_ My blood boiled again. I wanted to, so bad the urge was almost burning away my sore flesh.

_No, no, no! fuck, you can't do that! Ralph already noticed, in case you forgot! You stupid fucker! He's going to notice again! _No, you dumb fuck! He hates me! He won't give a fuck if I bleed out right here! My body was so sore, but I still tried to worm my hand, which was still tingling dorm where Ralph's skin made contact with mine.

My hand slipped into my pants pocket, wriggling around in desperation for the familiar prick of the metal on my skin. I turned my pocket inside-out, and cursed immediately. My razor was gone, my pocket empty save for a small lump of grey lint. Mother fucker, where was it? Fuck. Was there any way Ralph could have taken it? I was unconscious for a while, they might have checked my pockets… But… Wait! I had kept my razor in my old clothes.

My eyes, with much effort, scanned around the room. My heart tightened when I saw my old pants lying on the floor. Twisting my neck, I spotted a small gleam of light from the edge of one of my pockets. Thank God, my razor was still there.

But it was all the way across the room, and there was no way in hell I could muster up the strength to reach it, not in this state. The urge was still there, growing impossibly stronger. Fuck, I needed this. My muscles straining, stretched my fingers over to my opposite forearm, where the itch was much stronger. Still straining, I curled my fingers against my skin. The senses on my arm were heightened immediately, shivering from the touch. My nails were sharper and longer than I had thought, I noticed as I dug them into my soft flesh. The pain was relief, a sweet addiction; my whole body relaxed as I felt the blood trickle down my skin, my arm throbbing and excited. Sweet relief, sweet regret. And yet, my heart still ached for the warm touch of the blonde.

It took me three full days of lying in bed, and Ralph getting me whatever I asked for without saying a word, for my body to heal enough for me to move around. Ralph still hadn't said a word to me; hell, he even went out of his way to avoid physical contact. Fuck, he really hated me, didn't he? Thankfully, his avoiding my body meant he hadn't yet noticed the self-inflicted cuts running down my arm.

"Hey Merridew," Ralph started suddenly, during the middle of the fourth day. My ears perked up and my heart rate jumped.

"Yeah?" I tried my best to keep my voice even.

"You have a shitload of homework to catch up on," A wry grin spread across his lips as he spoke, and I felt a smile creep onto my features just the same.

"Well," I pushed myself up from my slouch, "-fuck! Can I get some help?" A pain in my shoulder told me I would get no higher without the other boy under my arm. Reluctantly, but without hesitating, Ralph stood from his bed and put my good arm over his neck, letting my lean the majority of my weigh on his body. I hoped he couldn't feel how my heart was racing, or how I was reveling in how close our bodies were, or how much I craved his presence the passed few days. Fuck, I really was pathetic.

"J-Merridew," His voice was soft, scared even. My heart was a hummingbirds, "What happened to your arm? it looks even worse…" His eyes were fixated on the wounds, not the bruises.

"Nothing," I denied immediately.

"Merridew," He twisted his body so he was now gripping my hand between his; I was trapped. My heart hammered my paper chest. Slowly, as if he was afraid to confirm what he already knew. The passed few days I had worn long sleeves and kept myself under the blankets as much as I could.

The word 'savage' was still etched clearly into my wrist, burning bright, thought it had mostly healed by now. Four short cuts ran across my wrist below the word, no more than an inch or two long. The rest of my arm, however, was still seriously fucked. Three long, deep cuts that were nearly fresh ran down the length of my arm, deterring from the veins ever so slightly. The wounds were a centimeter thick in some parts.

"My God," Ralph reached, not looking up. After only a moment, I felt something warm drop and sting my skin. The blonde was crying, I knew immediately, "Jack, why would you do this?" His voice was weak and broken by the sobs that choked in his throat.

"I… I don't know," I replied honestly, my voice so soft I could hardly hear myself. Fuck, you're making him cry! Look at him! Look at what you fucking did! You stupid fucking… Fuck you! Do something you stupid fucker! Help him!

He glanced up at me, his eyes still swimming with tears.

Without warning, I took his face in my hands and slammed our lips together.


	8. Surreal

**Chapter eight! Much less f-bombs this time! I'm so sorry about not updating, I've been so busy with school work and tumblr and not having time to write. Please don't kill me ;_;**

Everything seemed surreal, as if my brain couldn't process was was going on right in front of me. Ralph hesitated, but he pressed his lips against mine harder than I had his. Without thinking, his lips separated and kissed him hungrily. He gripped my wrist and I felt a small moan escape the back of his throat. Fuck, did I want him. My chest was swelling with heat, and the tight pain in my wrist was forgotten immediately. His teeth clamped over my bottom lip and a moan slipped from my throat.

"Ja-Jack," His teeth left my lip, and the space between our bodies grew painfully fast, "Wh-why did you… Why did I… What just happened?"

"Fuck… I'm sorry Ralph," Nervous words tumbled out of me. The grip on my wrist lessened, "I don't know what… What came over me."

"Merridew," his voice was softer, but curious nonetheless, "You can't… Your arm." He brought my all but forgotten forearm abruptly to my attention, "You have to stop." Don't look at the razor, don't look at the razor, don't look, don't look. Don't.

"Why?" My voice was hollow. I could still taste him on my lips, something that tasted purely of him. It was comfort enough for me to get a small grip on my emotions.

"Because, that's not… It's not a healthy way to handle your emotions," He exhaled slowly and his breath gentle caressed my skin.

"But it helps. it…" Let's me know I'm a savage, "Keeps me in check."

"Merridew." He put a hand on my shoulder, "It doesn't, trust me."

"How would you know?" I tried to keep my voice from rising, "You're Ralph! You're perfectly fucking human! You're not… You're not… me. I'm Jack fucking Merridew. You know what our damn classmates say about me! I'm the savage, the murderer! I fucking hate myself!" I tried to grab my arm, the skin was stinging to be broken. The last four words I spoke hung in the air like a dead weight.

"No, Merridew!" Ralph nearly shouted, grasping my arm and shoulder tighter. After a long several minutes of struggle, my muscles finally relaxed. The stinging I expected to be resting under my skin simply wasn't.

"What… How did… Did you… Know that was…?" My thoughts remained unfinished, as the smaller boy lifted his hand from my shoulder, cocking his wrist back, the skin shining brightly in my eyes. There, on his wrist, lay a dark line that ran down the center, a scar.

"I tried to off myself, a year or so after we got back. I couldn't handle all the memories, the emotions. It was overwhelming. The scars I had inside were too much to deal with on my own and they tore me apart. It was… The anniversary of when Piggy died. I carried his specs with me all the time. He was my refuge. But that day, I couldn't help but remember, remember everything, and it all hurt too much.

I was alone in my room, though that was nothing new. My mom had avoided me every chance she got for the longest time. It was… I used his specs, Merridew. I used Piggy's specs, I dragged them across my skin and tried to die. It was horrible, but it was what I wanted. I was put in the hospital for days; I had lost so much blood and my mother had a total mental breakdown. But one night, something happened.

It was late, I had been lying in my bed for two days at the time. The specs were resting just out of my reach, but I could see 'em, on the side table. I was staring at my reflection in them, when I saw…" His voice faded and his face flushed.

"Saw what?"

"You. Your wrist. I don't know how, but I saw your scars. I knew they were yours, I knew that was you, or if it wasn't, it would be. I was afraid. But not _of _you, _for_ you. I didn't want you to become like me, desperately searching for the last scrap of humanity you have left and trying to find it in the mesmerizing droplets of your own blood." My breath, along with an uncomfortably large lump, was caught in my throat. "When I first saw you here, I couldn't believe it. Wouldn't believe it. You looked so… Normal. Your skin wasn't painted and there were no animals dying at your hand. But… I knew your were struggling."

"How?"

"I could see it in your eyes. And, I mean the razor blade in your pocket was enough of a hint," His dry sarcasm made me crack a small smile. He took a deep breath, "I wanted to help you, Merridew. Shit, I still want to help you. I care about you." His body was closer to mine than I remembered.

"I… I…" I pushed him away, "Wait." He blinked, "Do you… What does… I always assumed.. Mother of fuck, this isn't coming out right…" Ralph pressed our lips together again.

"I like you, Merridew. No matter what you assumed. I want to _help_." Why do you want to help a savage like me? The words wormed their way to the back of my lips. "I know you have… 'Humanity' left in you. Somewhere."

"They say beauty is only skin deep," I gave a mournful look at my arm, "I guess I was just trying to find it."

Ralph's lips touched mine, and I kissed him back immediately. This kiss was hungrier than before, and I could feel my every emotion flooding from my body as I spread my lips and leaned myself closer. Every emotion, all the anger and confusion and hatred, all the pure hatred of myself, it simply melted away. His tongue darted into my mouth, and I slid mine against his. I could almost feel his emotions as well, as bit down on my bottom lip. The fear, the hope, the anger, frustration, and something I couldn't until that very moment place. Love.


	9. Starting Again

**Oh dear god please don't kill me. I have had very little inspiration to write lately, much of anything. And here comes a shout-out to my good friend Binta, who has inspired me to start writing again! Be happy, guys, my unofficial hiatus is over! (I love you Binta!) (This chapter will be a set-up chapter for what's to come, no worries. Seriously, I am sorry about the wait.)**

The next few moments were a clash of hot breath and teeth and tongue. Every ounce of pain that should have been wracking my body was completely forgotten. The world had been reduced to this room, to the two of us, to anything and everything I could feel on my skin at that very moment.

To my great annoyance, the moment ended all too soon by a sharp rapping on the bedroom door. In less than an instant, we broke apart and Ralph stood up to see who was there. I was laying back down on my bed when I heard the door creak open. The nurse, a busty, middle-aged lady came bustling through. I was immediately conscious of my arm and turned it down. She sauntered over to me, explaining with a smile that she was just here to make sure I was doing alright.

"I told her what happened," Ralph nodded towards me, and my heart rate shot up. But a slight shake of his head told me that he wasn't being entirely honest. "That you took a nose dive down a flight of stairs." Feigning a yawn to collect my expression properly, I nodded. I kept my arm glued tight to my side when the nurse came over. _Damn it, if I wasn't such a fuck up I wouldn't have to worry about… Ah, stop it! No! Stupid bitch._

_"_What was that, dear?" The nurse smiled again, sticking something smooth and glassy in between my lips. A thermometer, I realized. After a long minute and some less-than-comfortable pokes and prods, she smiled again and told me I could go back to class by tomorrow.

"I- All right…" I leaned back in my bed. As she was heading out the door, she turned back to us.

"You're one lucky kid, Jack. You're lucky to have someone like Ralph here to take care of you." With a smile, she left us.

The rest of the day slugged onward, with Ralph disappearing every few hours, and turning up a while later with a plate of food for my consumption. He watched me eat, making sure I got down every bite I could manage. I felt naked under his gaze, as if he culled see my every emotion, every thought, hell, every nervous beat of my heart in my chest. I didn't feel exposed, though. Just naked.

"Are you going to be okay, going back to class?" Ralph asked after I swallowed another bite of my peach. My heart, if it were possible, hammered harder beneath my chest. It took everything I had to not choke.

"I…" I hesitated, looking from my roommate, down my own body, and back again. "I really don't know. I mean, I'm still…" _Savage. _No, damn it."

"Still…?" Ralph cocked his head to the side. It was as if he opened up my mind and read every one of my thoughts, words and emotions alike. Damn it.

"Savage. Sick. Sore," I tried to keep my expressions low.

"No, yes, and I'd assume so," Ralph sighed, "But, you do need to go back." It was my turn to sigh.

"I know…" I growled. "I just…" I felt a tight knot boiling in my chest and stomach, "I hate them. Hate- this. This place. With all its… Rules, and people, and that one damn _kid…_" I kept grumbling, twisting my lips and turning my gaze away. A few moments later, I felt a warm hand on my cheek.

"What have I told you, Merridew? I believe in you." He forced my eyes to lock with his, and the look didn't fade.

"I bloody well know you do!" I didn't know why I was getting angry, I just was. Something inside me was boiling away and it was hot and red and it hurt, just plain hurt. "I know you 'believe in me', Ralph, but sometimes that isn't damn good enough!" My eyes went from wild to nearly crying in a second flat. "Shit, no… Ralph, I- I didn't mean that. Ralph…" But the boy turned away, his hand falling from my cheek. Enough of my sense wasn't simmered away by my anger, that I reached out and gripped his wrist. My muscles were still impossibly sore, and they screamed, but I held fast. "Ralph…"

"Calm down, okay?" He licked his lips, without looking at me. I took a deep breath, and the boil evaporated from my chest, enough.

"I am."

"Good," He turned to face me, a smile breaking on his lips, "I think you may be PMSing, Merridew." I laughed, honest-to-god laughed. I couldn't help it. The tension in the room, that I had paid no heed to until now, disappeared.

"At least I'm not always," I shot back, giggling like a madman.

"Have you ever listened to yourself?" His sarcasm was heavy, but his laughter was heavier. it wasn't that funny, not really, but with everything else, it was as good as we were going to get. He gripped my hand as I gripped his, and put his other hand on my shoulder. "C'mon, let's get your ready for school."


End file.
